One Piece: University Life (Hell Version, not for the faint hearted)
by AnberlinEve
Summary: Nine students sit in for detention in the dean's office and chaos ensues. From exploding chemistry labs, sneaking around professors' dorms, angry name-calling and screeching mad women to Sengoku's rice crackers, find out what happened before and after the fiasco. AU. Weekly Blackboard Announcements: Please note that Women's Studies classes are ONLY open to females - Prof.Hancock.
1. The Nine's Detention in Hell

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the air I breathe, oh wait, even ****_that_**** is borrowed.**

**This is actually a One-Shot I started on while thinking up how to get on with my other story. Everyone's ages in here are roughly the same as in canon, so that's why Franky, Robin and Brook are postgraduates. There should be no pairings but good ol' fun as I really am just writing it off my head as I go along. By the way, I suggest reading in the 3/4 format, it makes everything less spaced out.  
**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

University couldn't be that bad, or such was the previous consensus between the nine students, most of whom were strangers, stuck in the dean's office in varying shades of emotions. To say the atmosphere was weird was an understatement.

Two of them sat in a corner at the back where all the weeping and tragic mumblings were coming from. The only two girls sat somewhere in the middle, one was absorbed in her book while the other beside her had buried her head in her arms on the table, both of them completely ignoring the guy lying in a pool of blood at their feet.

Someone with peacock blue hair and a long cowlick was whistling happily in front of some snoring moss green haired guy. Sitting at the very front row was a lean young man in a straw hat looking at the last person (if he could be called one) with riveting fascination, eyes lighting up with stars every time the skeleton so much as moved a 'muscle'.

Surprisingly, the first to break the strange cacophony of noises was the skeleton guy. He shifted nervously, fiddling with what looked to be a wooden violin case.

"Um...Pardon me, but could you not stare at me in such a...way?" He said to Straw Hat. "It's really making me quite uneasy down to my bones."

"But you're so cool! And I've never seen a real live moving, talking carcass before!"

Blue Cowlick snorted, turning to look at them. "Straw Hat Boy, that's a skeleton, not a carcass."

"REALLY! That makes it even cooler!"

At this, Green Snoring Guy woke up, rubbed the sleep out of his bleary eyes and took his first look around the room. "Yo. What's up with the crying reindeer and the skeleton?"

The wailing paused for a moment, followed by a choked hiccup and watery words. "I don't wanna be expelled-I had nothing to do with this-Dear Lord and Sister in Heaven please take my poor warrior's soul and do whatever you want-just save me I don't want to be expelled!" The person who said this finished with another huge hiccup and swiped at his long nose several times in vain. Beside him, the reindeer burst out in traumatized sobs.

"Uoooouuuuuhhh! I promised Doctorine I'd pass med school and become a good doctor! And now I end up h-here...Doctorine! I'm sho sowwy I f-f-" He took in a shaking gulp of air and broke into fresh sobs all over again. "Fwaaaiiiiled youuuuuu-Uuuuuooooouuhh!"

"Jeez what's up with you two? It's like a funeral party in here." Blue Cowlick said, digging a finger into his ear in an attempt to rid it of the ringing caused by the noisy criers.

"You're all so noisy. What are you all doing here anyway?" Green Snoring Guy asked, which caused Blue Cowlick to look at him strangely.

"Well, we _are_ in detention. All I did was walk out of the bathroom and this crazed bitch screamed at me calling me a pervert. Wonder what's got her panties in a twist."

Green Snoring Guy gave him an exasperated look. "Uh. Yeah. Says the guy who's only wearing his boxers-Wait what did you say you were here for again?"

"For being called a pervert?"

"No the other part, what's this place again?"

Now it was Blue Cowlick's turn to stare at him in exasperation. "I said we're here for detention-"

"Huh!" Alarmed, Green Snoring Guy bolted upright from where he was slouching in his seat.

"What, you didn't even know what you're here for?" Blue Cowlick said, looking at him incredulously.

Green Snoring Guy let out a groan and slapped his palm over his face before uttering some blush-worthy swear words. "Man...And I was thinking this was just too perfect a hangout for a nap."

Hearing this, Blue Cowlick started laughing like a maniac on laughing gas. "Dude, seriously?"

Green Snoring Guy growled at him with one visible glaring eye behind his fingers, which only made him laugh harder.

Leaning his head back on folded arms, Green Snoring Guy glowered in irritation. "What. I thought this was the student lounge."

Finally sobering up a bit, Blue Cowlick receded into light chuckles. "Does this even look anything like a student lounge?"

"Hmph. I just assumed they were low on budget," Green Snoring Guy began to speak but was cut off by a new voice coming from the floor.

"Idiot probably got lost on his way to the bathroom and ended up in the dean's office."

A sharp tension flooded the atmosphere instantly.

Green Snoring Guy's eyes were slits of demon black. "What. Was. That."

The guy who had been lying in a pool of blood stood up and started brushing the lint off of his clothes, which wasn't helping much due to the spreading blossom of scarlet on his light blue shirt. "I said, you probably got lost. Only an idiot would have gotten lost and by the looks of you. I say for sure you did."

The already dark aura surrounding Green Snoring Guy steadily grew blacker. "Shut up Curly Brow, you're the one who's an idiot, covered in blood and all," he said and then broke into a mocking grin. "Heh. Probably got your skinny ass kicked."

Curly Brow's back stiffened ramrod straight as the temperature in the room started climbing several degrees higher.

"What's that I hear? I didn't know Marimos could talk. And this!" He gestured wildly to the front of his bloodied shirt with a proud puff of his chest. "A loser like you would never understand the beautiful horror of love!" Mid-sentence he abruptly spun round to gaze passionately at the reading girl who was outright ignoring him. "This feeling, this red symbol of passion staining my clothes, it all proves that this dark Venus before me is real!" Finishing his heated speech, he dissolved into a mumbled series of "mellorines" and "heaven".

"Che! More like evidence of utter stupidity."

"What did you say Marimo Idiot Head!"

"Don't call me that Ero Curly Brow!"

"You looking for a fight to mess up that already ugly mug of yours Seaweed Head?"

"Hell I'm bringing the fight to your sorry ass you Dumb Blonde!"

"Shut up both of you!" A voice, female this time, silenced them both in its suppressed rage.

The girl who had had her head buried in her arms the whole time now sat up, fixing them with a glare that blazed wilder than her coppery hair.

Curly Brow let out a squeal of delight and a spray of bright red, proceeding to collapse into a familiar heap on the floor.

The dark haired girl shifted her book down from her nose an inch, peering at the amusing scene. "I thought he'd never be quiet once he got off again."

Copperhead Girl glanced at Dark Girl with an annoyed huff.

"You didn't have to follow me here you know," she said in a low voice.

Dark Girl responded with a vague smile. "No, I didn't have to." When all she got was a glare she chuckled softly and carried on speaking. "Although it's unsurprising that you're here, what was it this time?"

A harsh bark of laughter came from Copperhead Girl. Smirking, she looked straight at Dark Girl. "Hmm, I thought you know everything?"

"Nope, kindly enlighten me," she said with the same unreadable smile.

"Oi," Green Snoring Guy tried to interrupt but the two girls carried on their conversation as if he wasn't there.

Copperhead Girl let out an exasperated sigh and slumped forwards onto the table once more. "Ugh. God forbid I ever take this module."

Dark Girl raised one delicate eyebrow for her to indicate further. A muffled sound escaped Copperhead Girl who currently had her entire head covered by her long hair.

"What's that? I didn't quite catch that," Dark Girl prompted.

Lifting her head up, Copperhead Girl groaned in frustration. "My lab partner sucks," she ended up saying and banged her head on the table.

Green Snoring Guy was starting to think she was doing it on purpose.

"What did he do this time?" Dark Girl asked curiously.

Copperhead Girl squeezed her eyes shut looking like she was trying to will away the horrible memory. Opening them, she looked up at Dark Girl with a tired expression.

"Remember the last time I said at least there was no way in hell he could ever top that time when he nearly exploded that test tube of acid in my face?"

"Whoa, now that's just whack," Blue Cowlick piped in whilst Copperhead Girl carried on talking.

"Guess what, all that smoke you saw coming from the science lab? That wasn't Professor Smoker, that was all him. The idiot almost succeeded in burning down the entire lab. And noooo, he wasn't the one to land in detention, I was! And all because he didn't even know what the hell had happened because he had fallen asleep. _Fallen asleep_. What kind of idiot does that when heating up. _Dangerous. Chemicals. In. The. Lab_." Copperhead Girl growled out, punctuating each word with a violent fist at the table towards the end.

"The most embarrassing thing is he is the one with the top marks in that class! Even when the teacher hates our guts! God I'm starting to hate all my module choices! As if having your Glaciology elective professor come onto you during class isn't awkward enough, I have to have such a hard ass for Volcanology and a total psychopath in Fulminology! Now I'm stuck with this idiot senior who clearly enjoys playing with the Bunsen burner _way_ too much and somehow manages to escape death by the holy fact that he's the Seismology professor's _favourite_." She ended her rant almost panting and the riled up anger appeared to almost physically evaporate from her skin.

Someone's laughter met the end of her outburst and she snapped her head towards the sound in the direction of Straw Hat.

"That guy sounds like fun," he said with a wide grin. "Your lab partner is it?"

Copperhead Girl scrunched up her nose in disgust. "He's just…insufferable."

"Wait, I thought you were studying Climatology and Meteorology?" Dark Girl questioned.

"Yeah, but my ex-professors from my old school wanted me to branch out further into Earth Sciences if I could," Copperhead Girl said, her tone growing quieter from where she sat studying the table. "Like how your professors wanted you to branch out into World History."

Dark Girl said nothing and merely looked at Copperhead Girl as if contemplating something, but Blue Cowlick let out a low whistle, dissipating the brief silence.

"Wow, I don't get half of what you're studying but I feel your pain. Akainu's pure butt-hurt and Enel is halfway round the moon." He said and then turned to Straw Hat in curiousity. "How did you end up here?"

"Don't know." The frank, two worded answer nearly had everyone bowled over.

An angry cry came from the back of the room sounding like an indignant baby elephant. It took a second for the rest to realize it was the sound of someone forcefully blowing his very long nose.

The nose-blowing culprit raised one quivering arm at Straw Hat, eyes ablaze in fury. "Y-y-you-"

"LIAR!" Reindeer finished off for him in similar angry sobs. "You're a liar! A big fat liar!"

"Well, technically he's not fat, he doesn't have much meat on his bones. Unlike me of course, you can say that I'm nothing but bones!"

This time round, all eyes and ears turned to the skeleton standing at the opposite end of the room. Silence ensued for several long seconds until two screams split it faster than a banana doing a striptease. Apparently, the depressed duo had been too absorbed in crying and hadn't taken much notice of the skeleton until it directly addressed them.

"IT SPOKE! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD THE THING SPOKE TO ME!" Long Nose shrieked in fear.

"STAY AWAY YOU EVIL SPIRIT! I HAVE A GOOD HEART YOU KNOW! YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO TAKE ME ALIVE!" Reindeer yelled, backing up against the wall alongside Long Nose.

"Erm, I'm not evil and I'm not a spirit. And I wouldn't know much about hearts seeing as how I don't have one. But it doesn't mean I'm heartless, my music comes from the bottom of my soul with heart!" Skeleton Guy cried out louder with every word and removed his violin from its case. "Allow me to demonstrate."

The first few notes blew everyone's breaths away and woke up Curly Brow who had been lying motionless. What followed next was something akin to a dream, albeit a beautiful one which flowed seamlessly through their souls, interlinked by music, and in that moment for once there was true peace in the room the first time the nine had gathered there.

"T-that was beautiful!" Blue Cowlick said, trying to hide his sniffles. Reindeer and Long Nose had come up from the back of the room and were now standing in their midst staring up at Skeleton Guy with awe in their eyes.

"Oi, Straw Hat, you're drooling on me." Curly Brow said from the floor.

"Sorry," Straw Hat muttered absently with all his attention fixated on Skeleton Guy. "You are amazing!"

"Why thank you, I'd blush if I could though I don't have any cheeks."

"You are! You're much more awesome than that expression on Sengoku's face when he caught the three of us sneaking around his dorm raiding his kitchen and trying on all his clothes while parading around his full length mirror!"

The room went quiet for three full seconds. Then, all hell broke loose.

"YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!" Long Nose screeched, pulling a slingshot out of his trousers' pocket and pointing it directly at Straw Hat's nose.

"I DON'T WANNA BE EXPELLED! NOOOOOOO!" Reindeer wailed over and over continuously. The two of them began chasing Straw Hat around the room, crashing over tables and tumbling over chairs in their frenzy.

"Wait-Stop-Everyone-" Skeleton Guy tried to intervene with no success.

"How dare you step on my face you stupid Marimo!" Curly Brow catapulted upright in a burning haze of fury.

"It was an accident-whatever, you were asking for it you Blonde Bimbo!" Green Snoring Guy yelled back.

"Oh now you dare to hit my face!"

"You kicked me first dumbo!"

"Um…Everyone please, calm down…"

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE EXPELLED! I HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY PH.D YET!"

"EAT THIS STRAW HAT! SOGEKING POISON APPLE DUST!"

"ARGHHHHHHH! IT'S SO SOUR! YOU SHOT IT IN MY MOUTH!"

"Oh God why does this keep happening to me today…" Copperhead Girl moaned, cradling her head in surrender to the chaos around her. Beside her, Dark Girl went back to reading her book with a small smile on her face which wasn't there in the first place when it had all started.

Indeed, it had all started barely an hour and forty seven minutes ago.

* * *

**End Note:** I put Nami to studying Earth Sciences instead of Climatology because I couldn't think of any major character who has something loosely related to weather except for that old man on that Sky Island. Anyway, it all falls under the same main category so please pardon me.

By the way, since this is AU, would it be better if I took away all the DF powers and substituted them with more 'realistic' ones? The only exceptions are the characters' appearances (aka. Brook and Chopper) as I don't want to 'humanize' anyone and subtract away from their character essence. Any ideas, please PM me! :)

Tell me if anyone is OOC and I swear I will rewrite the entire chapter 1000 times to kill off the OOC-ness.


	2. The Lab Incident & The Thief

**One hour, forty seven minutes ago.**

"Ahhhhhh..." A lone figure stood stretching himself on the tallest roof of the university building. "I'm so bored."

Straightening his straw hat such that it wouldn't be blown off by the cool breeze, he sat down with a loud sigh.

"Damn it they locked the kitchen," He muttered to himself. The sky was approaching evening and was a blurring gradient of faded rose petals and filtered blue ink. He had ended lessons early today and had been walking around aimlessly awaiting his older brother, who was yet to be dismissed for another two hours.

The black hole in his stomach had been growing larger and more threatening every second and the clouds were starting to resemble huge fluffy white balls of meat. If meat were fluffy and white, that is.

A rumble similar to a dying chainsaw made him clutch his stomach in despair. "Sheesh, how could they do that to a growing boy…" The cafeteria staff had literally slammed its doors shut in his face when he had so much as said 'hi'. He couldn't stand walking all the way out to the shops to get something to eat as the shops were closing early today due to the town festival.

Sighing in submission, he dug his hand in his pockets for the last piece of candy he had nicked off of a passing reindeer that could talk and stopped when he felt cool metal in the palm of his hand.

His Gramp's key! How could he forget! His Gramps had given him his room key since his brother had taken off with both of theirs in the morning. With it, he could access his Gramp's room and eat to his fill!

"Heh, I wonder if he still stocks up on those rice crackers."

With a final sinister smile, he stood up and began his quest to his place of calling.

* * *

**One hour, thirty five minutes ago.**

"Class, assemble into your teams," came the command a certain girl with wild copper hair dreaded.

Shit, it better not be him again, she thought and wished with all her might as she peered up at the list of lab partners pasted on the board. Sadly, her hopes were dashed when the person she hated most at the moment appeared beside her.

"Looks like it's us two again, huh," he said matter-of-factly, examining the paper with bland interest. She couldn't do anything but nod dully.

"Professor Akainu," she started to ask. The large man towered over her with narrowed eyes. "I was just wondering, why isn't the class list in alphabetical order. I mean, it would save a lot of time and will be so much easier to refer to. If the next time we could just-"

"It's the class list given to us and we abide by it. Go to your benches."

Fuming silently, she stalked away, giving him the finger in her head. Her professor was so strict and uptight he couldn't even draw a circle without making it into a square.

Her lab partner came up beside her and raised an eyebrow at her as if to say 'what's that all about'. She chose to shoot him one of her trademark 'just shut up and start working' glares and he shrugged, proceeding to do as he wished, disregarding her completely.

"This experiment will be a basic test to see how certain chemicals react when being subjected to heat, similar to how minerals are changed after coming into contact with molten lava." Her professor begun and all she wanted to do was to be back in her room, no, in her old town with her ex-professors and- _Someone_ was poking at her arm.

_What,_ she mouthed at her partner in annoyance. He slipped a piece of paper in between them scrawled over with his messy handwriting. They couldn't talk during class when Professor Akainu was teaching; whoever had the guts to do that clearly would be wishing for a good boiling over by him.

_I need to get out soon._

Frowning, she stared at him with a questioning look on her face.

He made a vexed expression at her, as if _she _was the slow one, and grabbed the paper back to write on it again. After a few scratches of his pen, the paper was shoved back at her.

_I need to end class early so I can find my little brother._

She almost scoffed out loud at that. Like hell Akainu would allow him, of all people to get out of class early. Maybe they had a chance in the probability of them finishing their project early but knowing from previous experience through all the stuff which had gone wrong, it was minus zero.

When she pointedly ignored him he kicked her under the table. Like a child of all things. Pissed, she grabbed her pen and was about to counter attack when the paper was pushed towards her again.

_Come on. I owe you one. Help a guy out._

A cunning thought swept through her mind and she began writing down her reply.

**_Fine._**** But what can you give me in return?**

His reaction was not what she expected. He glanced down at the paper with both eyebrows raised and an almost…thoughtful expression fell upon his face.

It was taking him rather long to pen down a reply.

_Hmm…That depends on what you're asking for? I hate owing debts so you can be sure I won't back out on it. But nothing to do with money or people. Oh, and no dates, period._

The last line nearly made her eyes bug out and shoot across the room at Akainu's behind from where he stood with his back to the class writing on the whiteboard.

She could feel her face turn redder than her mother's homemade orange and cranberry juice. Who the hell did he think he was, the cocky bastard. She scowled up at him but he wasn't looking at her so she settled for furiously scribbling on the paper.

**You make me sound like a swindler or con artist, congrats you just ruled out money which is a very commonly used barter trade. And what makes you think I'd ever ask you something like ****_that_****?**

She watched him carefully for his reaction, trying hard not to smirk but was only rewarded with a scratch of his head.

_Well…Aren't you one though? I saw you steal that bottle of wine from Prof. Shanks' cabinet last week. And rumour has it you're running this money den with sky high interests. Been learning that from Arlong's Finance classes you're taking? As for the last question, I just assumed cause' it's tiring to keep rejecting those girls._

She almost laughed aloud when she read the paper until she froze cold at the Finance part, then relaxed when she reread the whole thing.

**So have you been stalking me? Did Shanks tell you that? Where do all those rumours come from? Maybe I am guilty of that but you shouldn't believe all that you hear. And yes, I have been applying what I've learnt in class, can't say the same for you. Ok you win, if you promise to leave the complicated parts of the project to me then I can help you out. And by the way, be glad I'm not one of those girls, else you'd be wishing to be in Prof. Ivankov's class 24/7.**

He snorted after reading what she had written and scribbled something back quickly.

_Ha. Ha. I'm dying of laughter. No, I didn't hear it from Shanks, I heard it from someone else and I'm not telling you who lest you find him and scare the hell out of him. I dunno about the rumours but I do know that the one about Crocodile being gay is fake. And nope, I don't want to apply all that I've learnt from class, can you imagine applying Bonclay's Okama Way of Life or Ivankov's Gender & Sexuality Studies?And yeah, thanks for agreeing to help, my brother is a pain in the neck and needs a ton of looking after._

She couldn't help but smile a bit at the last one, remembering her own older sister, and while their relationship wasn't exactly the definition of older and younger siblings, her sister protected her in her own way and that was all that mattered. In the end, that was all that will matter.

"Alright?"

"Huh?" She looked up to find him frowning at her. Had he asked her something?

"I was just asking if it's alright with you?" He cocked his head to one side and she realized that Akainu had just ended his lecture and started with the practical. Shit, it wasn't like her to blank out, but the unexpected happened whenever she was thinking about those things.

Fingers snapped in front of her eyes and she glared, feeling a compelling urge to bite them off. All he did was smirk back and point to the test tubes. "I'll take that as a 'yes'. Let's get this done and over with. I've gotta go babysit soon."

Whatever, she thought, he probably had asked her a pointless question like 'do I have to be the one to wash the test tubes again' or something like that.

Turning her full attention to the worksheet which had been passed down to them, she quickly calculated the fastest steps to finishing the project sans disaster in record time and set about doing it. "Hey, I'm going to start on Part A, help me watch over Part B." She ordered over her shoulder, satisfied when she saw him nod from where he was sitting with the Bunsen Burner on full blast.

Feeling good for the first time in days after she was done with her part, she turned to find him glued to the chair with his head propped up on one arm and another holding the test tube containing what was supposedly Part B of their project.

She frowned when she saw that it wasn't looking like what Part B was supposed to look like at all, and decided to ask him about it.

"Did you finish the prep for your end?" His hand drifted towards her, holding out the test tube and she took it, grumbling when it almost slipped out of his hands.

At this point in time, Akainu had reached their end of the table and was asking to see the final product. Granted it smelt a bit funny and it was getting hot in the room but she attributed it all to nerves.

"I'm about finished, all I need to do is add this to this and-"

She never got to finish her sentence due to the humongous combustion that followed suit and the frantic rush as everyone jostled past her out the door away from her burning laboratory table. Thick plumes of greenish-grey smoke rose from the test tube she was holding, choking her as she stood dumb folded next to her lab partner. _Her lab partner,_ who chose that moment to yawn and stretch out his arms bumping her in the process and shaking her out of her hope that this was all a nightmare gone very wrong and Akainu was not standing before her away from the flames and ordering her to pack her flaming ass to the dean's office.

"Huh, did you burn something? What did I miss?" Her lab partner asked, looking around in surprise at the burning carnage which had been the table and which was slowly spreading to the floor. "Shit, I promised my brother I'd get him some food before I meet him, gotta run, see ya!" And with that, he left her at the mercy of a burning table and a frighteningly calm Akainu.

She realized she'd much rather take up Ivankov's class 24/7 anytime.

* * *

**Thirty six minutes ago.**

"Oh no! I forgot to take my notebook!" The reindeer who had been on the way to the dormitories stopped in his tracks. He was about to make a U-turn when another reminder struck him.

I don't wanna be left in the same room as him, he thought. Alarms were ringing in his head, the guy was a creepy, freaky person and he had made it his personal mission to avoid him at all costs after their first dissection class.

No, wait, there really were actual alarms ringing overhead. He had just enough time to sidestep a horde of people ran past him yelling 'fire in the lab'. He had always prided himself on his acute sense of hearing and now he strained his ears, trying to pick out pieces of conversation out of the commotion.

"-some girl set the lab on fire-"

"-plotting to kill Akainu?"

"-get expelled?"

"-hot as hell, a pity-"

The chatter vanished down the hallway and he sniffed the air, smelling the acrid stench of smoke. Yes, smoke! He should use the diversion and sneak back into the medicine lab to grab his book!

Satisfied by his brilliant idea, he started running back to the lab, nearly bumping into a redheaded girl who reeked of smoke and almost crashing into another taller, dark haired girl behind her in the process.

Upon reaching the plain steel doors barring him from his precious notebook, he cautiously peered through the dark glass windows.

The creepy guy wasn't there, which was fantastic. He opened the doors, entering quietly and started tiptoeing towards his desk and was nearly there when the doors were flung open in a gust of wind and light and closed just as quickly after the person had entered.

Looking around in a panic, he hid behind the first thing he could find, a skeleton model draped in a billowy cloth.

The shadowy figure was creeping around on tiptoes…Almost like he wasn't supposed to be there, and was sneaking around pretty much just as he had moments ago.

"Where is it, where is it, I swear I saw them bringing them in…ah-ha!" The figure stopped at the bucket full of the goose feathers which they had removed from dead geese two days ago and began grabbing chunks of it and stuffing it into a bag. What the-

Voices, muffled but swiftly approaching, were footsteps away from the doors.

"Shit!" The figure exclaimed, dropping the bag of feathers in a panic. The doors were opening again, slower this time and he was mentally debating whether or not to warn the shadowy figure.

"It's there on the table." A voice like dark silk said to the person behind him and he opened the door, just as the shadowy figure jumped back from view and hid behind the draped skeleton _directly beside him._

"I'll wait for you here, Law." A louder, simpler voice replied and the door was left half open as the creepy guy walked in right up to the desk beside his and grabbed a bloodied scalpel off the table.

"Done. Let's go, Bepo, wouldn't want to keep _Professor_ Joker waiting."

The doors shut with a soft click, shrouding everything back in comforting darkness. Two figures sprung out from behind where they were hiding immediately.

"What are you doing in our lab!"

"Are you really a talking reindeer!"

The blurted questions hung unanswered and the two of them entered a staring contest for several tense seconds until the absurdity of their situation hit them both and soon they were rolling around on the floor laughing.

"That was a close one! Oh thank the Lord!"

"Can you imagine what it could have been like if we were found out!"

Laugh-fest over, the two of them grinned at each other in a newly forged acquaintanceship.

"I'm Chopper," the reindeer said. "I'm a med student and forgot my notebook. I've never met someone with as long a nose as yours before!" He stuck out a hoof at him.

"I'm Usopp," the other said. "I'm an engineering student who's also a part time inventor about to make it big! And I've never seen a talking reindeer in my life!"

Hoof and hand shook and the resulting laughter did the rest of the bonding.

"Where are you going? I'm heading back to the dorms. I came here to get these feathers for my latest project. I name it Sogeking's Sure Win Distraction Attack!" Usopp said, striking a cool pose.

"Whoa! I wanna see! I wanna see!" Chopper said with star-struck eyes.

"Ok! Let's head to my dorm, I'll show you the rest of Usopp's Great and Mighty Weapons of Mass Destruction Collection!"

"Yay!"

The doors slid shut for the second last time that day, waking up the last person who had been in the room the entire afternoon and evening. The skeleton yawned and pulled the cloth off his body. "Hmph, they are so rude, asking me to be their model just because they've broken the old one. But then again, maybe I ought to be flattered."

Patting his afro to make sure it wasn't out of place, he picked up the wooden violin case from behind the door and stepped out into the empty hallway.

"Oh dear, I think I might have overdosed on the milk again. I should stop, too much of it gives kind of a drunken effect, not that I have a liver to care about, yohohohoho!"

* * *

**End Note:**

Hahahah! I love Brook! And I have a feeling Ace might be...popular with the girls in school. ;)

Hmm, maybe Nami should switch to a Finance/Accounting major instead, lol. Who here dares to take up Akainu's class? :D


	3. Panties & Awkward Sneaking

**Thirty three minutes ago.**

The scent of smoke was humiliating but what pissed her off and exhausted her most wasn't the incident. It wasn't her fearsome professor, hell, it wasn't even her annoying lab partner. It was the many, many little and big things all adding up together and enveloping each other and weighing down so damn heavy she would be happy if she could just collapse in peace sometimes.

She was fed up and sick and tired of everything. It would all be so much better if it would all end and she wouldn't, they wouldn't need to carry on anymore.

Midway to the dean's office, she stopped and the person following her did so too.

"Must you always be behind me like this? I'm not going to run away you know."

The person behind her stepped forwards and put her book down with an ambiguous smile. "Oh? So sorry Nami, I was probably too absorbed in my book and didn't see where I was going."

The quiet hallway was empty except for the two lone shadows standing in the setting sunlight. The two girls stared at each other, exchanging undecipherable looks.

"Hm, I guess that's why they say that a good book can lead you anywhere," the dark haired girl finally said when no reply was given.

"Yeah, the haunting feeling never ends, does it," Nami said continuing on her long walk to hell. "Robin."

They walked the rest of the way in mutual silence.

* * *

**Twenty eight minutes ago.**

"Whew, I got lost after walking around this huge maze of a dorm. But now I'm finally here." The boy in the straw hat stood in front of a large wooden door holding its key.

The numbers 306 were stamped on the door frame matching the ones on the key. "Hmm, the numbers seem different, maybe Gramps changed his room or something. Ah well, here I go." He said, inserting the key and unlocking the door.

The first glance around the room made his eyes light up like the fourth of July. "Whoa! Gramps never mentioned he was this rich! It looks like a king's room! And it's huge!"

From the gleaming teakwood flooring to the elegant paisley patterned cream wallpaper and a glittering chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, everything screamed of luxury and expensive taste. The furniture was all dark ebony and marble, with simple decorative touches here and there to form what resembled a model room out of a high-end interior design magazine.

"I wonder if he got promoted or something. Oh! There's the kitchen! Whooooaaa! Rice crackers! Meat!"

In his excitement, he rushed into the kitchen without bothering to close the door.

* * *

**Twenty five minutes ago.**

A skeleton was languidly strolling down the hallway when an earsplitting scream pierced his ears in a sonic shockwave.

"GET OUT OF MY CLASS THIS INSTANT YOU DISGUSTING MALE!" A female voice shrieked at the top of her lungs from inside a classroom. "HOW DARE YOU TRIP AND TOUCH ME YOU LOW, FILTHY CREATURE!"

"Yes my lady! But this is a class I've always dreamed of attending-" A male's voice exclaimed in what sounded like hyper enthusiasm.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! I ONLY ACCEPT FEMALES IN MY CLASS! THIS IS WOMEN'S STUDIES! AND YOU ARE A FILTHY MALE!"

"But madam! I'd be glad to learn all the secrets of women! Even if I'm a guy I'd put my entire heart into learning the secrets, the s-secrets of, w-women-"

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Y-YOU! YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! GO TO THE DEAN'S OFFICE! RIGHT NOW!"

Loud crashing ensued from behind the door and the skeleton could barely step back in time when the doors were slammed open and a blonde blur was sent flying out from inside.

"Um, are you alright?" The skeleton asked, seeing as how the blonde guy who had been kicked out of the room appeared to be sprouting blood from his nose while wearing a twisted expression of bliss.

"DON'T EVER SNEAK INTO MY CLASS AGAIN!" The owner of the angry female voice strode out of the classroom and when the skeleton looked up he was struck by one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen in his life.

"Ah, Miss," He said, bowing to the fuming lady before him.

"May I see your panties?" He asked politely.

The woman's face was quickly approaching a dangerous shade of red and she was about to scream back a reply when someone exiting the nearby bathroom stalls beat her to it.

"What! Hell no! Just cause' I couldn't find my pants this morning doesn't mean you're welcome to stare at my underwear!" The guy who had come of the bathroom said, folding his arms and glaring at the skeleton crossly from under a swaying blue cowlick.

The four people stared at one another before the blue haired guy spoke up after putting two and two together.

"Oh wait, you weren't talking to me. Sorry, I guess I'll be going now," He said, stepping past the blonde guy lying on the floor. "By the way, dude, you might wanna clean yourself up a bit, you've got blood all over your shirt."

He had only taken five steps away from them when the echoing scream behind him confirmed his fears that he would never make an escape in time.

* * *

**Twenty one minutes ago.**

"Crap! I can't believe I forgot that they've blocked this flight of stairs since some guy destroyed them in a fight. We have to go past the Professors' dorms to use the other stairs." Usopp said to Chopper in front of a barricaded pile of rubble. "They killed the elevator too, jeez."

"Ah! It was the creepy guy who did it!" Chopper said, quivering a bit. They turned and made their way back towards the other flight of stairs.

"Oh Chopper, you know him too?" Usopp asked in mild surprise.

Chopper nodded his head furiously. "Yeah! He's in my class and has this creepy smile whenever he's slicing and inspecting the organs…" He trailed off, the memory making his fur stand on end.

"Huh? He's in your class? I thought he's doing Electromagnetism. I see him in my classes now and then and he's always playing with this scary looking arm weapon-thingy, can't say it doesn't look cool, though."

"Eh? No, you must be talking about the other guy then! I only know of L-"

"Shhhh! Wait, I think hear someone!" Usopp said in a hushed tone, ducking behind a trash can. Chopper stopped in his tracks beside him and they peered down the empty dorm corridors.

"It doesn't look like anyone's there – Oh! That door is open!" Chopper said, pointing towards a wide open door with the numbers 306. "We should go…"

"Stop! I have an idea!" Usopp said grinning wickedly as a thought formed in his head. "Hey Chopper…You do realize what this place is right?"

"Um, yeah, the professors' dorms? We'll be killed if we entered one of their rooms!"

"Aha! But if the door's open and no one's outside, we could sneak a peek in and never be found out! Think about it! The brave Usopp managing to sneak inside a professor's room! We'd be so amazing!"

Chopper clapped his hooves together enthusiastically, getting into the idea. "Oh! We'll get to see what's inside and live to tell the tale!"

"Uh huh!" Usopp said, rubbing his nose in smugness. "Let's head on a brave adventure, Chopper!"

"Okay!" Chopper replied. The two friends crept inside the room and shut the door quietly.

"Wow! Everything looks so expensive! I wonder who stays in here, oh shoot!" Usopp yelped when his arm brushed against a cat shaped clay ornament and sent it crashing to the floor.

"Oh my Doctorine! You broke it!" Chopper said in alarm, grasping at his face in terror. The duo jumped in shock and screamed in unison when a head wearing a straw hat popped out from round a corner.

"Hroo Achroo? Hwarer hrooinging Magrumfus?" Straw Hat asked in suspicion through a mouthful of rice crackers. He ended in an audible crunch and swallowed when something caught his eye.

"You broke my Gramp's stuff!" He said with eyes wide as dinner plates and scooted over to inspect the broken clay pieces faster than Ivankov could wink.

"W-we didn't m-mean to!" Usopp stuttered, gesturing around wildly with his arms.

"We are so sorry! We were just passing through and the door was open! Please don't tell your Gramps!" Chopper cried, kneeling on the floor in despair.

Straw Hat stood up and gazed at the terrified expressions of the two who were huddling together in a ball of lanky arms and fur.

"Oh you're that talking reindeer, cool! Anyway, it's alright," He said while digging a finger into his left nostril. "My Gramps hates cats, someone probably gave him that as a present and he was probably secretly hoping it would get smashed by accident. What are you doing here? Were you hungry too?"

Usopp and Chopper exchanged looks with each other. "Ah yes! Of course! We were starving and we thought there'd be food here so we, uh, came in through the open door! Not that we thought it would be fun to sneak into a professor's room of course! Ahahahahaha!" Usopp said, laughing nervously.

To his amazement, Straw Hat bought into his lie completely without a hint of a doubt.

Straw Hat grinned at them widely. "Oh is that so? There's still some juice and salad left in the fridge. I finished everything else and the last of the rice crackers, hope you don't mind."

"It's fine! Thank you so much! We'll just get some juice and be going in a minute!" Chopper said and pulled Usopp with him in the direction of the kitchen.

"Ok, I'll be in my Gramp's room!" Straw Hat called after their rapidly retreating backs.

Once in the kitchen, Usopp wiped at his sweating brow in relief. "Phew! I thought we were gonna die!" He looked around the kitchen and was stunned by the sight. It looked as though a bear had rampaged through the place followed by a swarm of locusts. The cupboard doors were all wide open. Empty bowls and plates were littered all over along with ripped open food wrappers, boxes and the fridge door wobbled sadly on its hinges. Straw Hat was right, a salad bowl filled with raw brussel sprouts and asparagus and a bottle with roughly one mouthful of apple juice was all that was left from the carnage.

"Who the hell is this guy?" He asked, walking over to close the fridge only to have its door fall off completely.

"We'd better go now, Usopp!" Chopper said in an urgent whisper.

"Hey you two! Come up here! You won't believe what I found!" Straw Hat's loud voice called out from the direction of the bedroom.

"You know what Chopper? Since it's his granddad's place and he all but invited us here, we've got our backs covered right?" Usopp asked. "We could check out everything and if anything goes wrong we can push the blame on him!"

The two of them mused over the logic and after finding no fault in it, ran towards Straw Hat's location at top speed.

After all, who wouldn't kill to see what the inside of their professor's bedroom looked like?

* * *

**Twelve minutes ago.**

"Crazy ass woman! What's she got against me, there's nothing wrong with my dressing! She needs to get her eyes checked!" A guy with a blue cowlick grumbled under his breath as he led the way to the dean's office with a skeleton pulling along an unconscious blonde guy.

"I agree with you on that, actually, there's nothing wrong with wearing underwear outside," the skeleton said from behind him.

"Precisely! That's what I'm talking about!" Blue haired guy said.

"Yes, if all the girls started following your trend, it would be fabulous."

"At least you get where I'm coming from, damn it, sending us to the dean's office, what a bitch! Hey whaddya' know, there're people here already." The blue haired guy said, pushing the door open to find two girls and one guy inside the room.

Dumping the blonde guy unceremoniously on the floor somewhere, he strode over to a seat near the snoring green haired guy and sat down next to the skeleton.

"What time do you think the principal will be coming?" He asked the skeleton.

"I don't know, they say he's out with some of the other professors in the town for the festival." The skeleton replied, placing his violin case on the floor.

"Geez, we can't do anything but wait, huh. What a bore."


	4. Nosebleeds, A Meat Sub & Sengoku's Cat

**Nine minutes ago.**

"Look at me, I'm an emperor and you all are my subjects!" Usopp proclaimed regally, sweeping a dark blue cloak over his shoulders on top of an elegant blue and white suit. "Bow down to me you minions!"

"And I am Chopper! The best doctor in the navy there ever was!" Chopper said, posing in a dark blue army jacket below a scarlet cloak.

"You guys look so cool! Check this out!" Straw Hat said and dived into the closet throwing out random garments all over the room.

He emerged with something held in his hands which caused the other two to gasp in delight.

"Oooooh! Put that on! Put that on!"

"I can't wait to see that! It looks like something straight out of a fairytale!"

"Heh, I didn't know Gramps had these! The ones he used to show me never looked as cool as these!"

* * *

**Seven minutes ago.**

"Garp! You better explain yourself! What do you mean you gave him the wrong key!" A voice dark with fury raged at another as they hurried inside the university's gates.

"Damn it I didn't realize, Sengoku! It was a mistake! You just told me to put all the keys in one place for safekeeping and that's what I did! I was in a hurry when I gave it to him!" The other person shot back, scratching his greying hair in frustration. They were running past the main hall when he yanked on his companion's formal black jacket, causing him to almost trip on his long plaited beard.

"What the hell Garp-" He growled but was blatantly ignored.

"Ace! What are you doing out here!" Garp called out to a young man loitering around the area while fiddling with a paper bag containing a giant meat sub.

"Oh it's you Gramps, hi, long time no see," Ace said, briefly nodding at him in acknowledgment. "I got out of class early and wanted to bring Luffy his lunch and walk him back to the dorms cause', you know, I did take his key and all."

"I thought he already had his lunch? Nevermind! You got any idea where he might be? And why do you smell like Smoker? Have you been smoking!" Garp said, raising a threatening fist if the answer was not to his liking.

"What, hell no Gramps! There was a fire in the lab and I kinda' got caught in it. I have no idea where my idiot brother is, if I did I wouldn't be waiting out here for so long. I bet he forgot the time he was supposed to be meeting me."

"Oh crap, do you think he went inside?" Garp turned to Sengoku, asking in worry. The answering look was all he needed to blanch his face as grey as his hair.

"What's going on? Why're you and Sengoku running around like that?" Ace questioned, looking from Garp's paling face to Sengoku's darkening one.

"Ace…Remember I called you earlier and told you not to worry for I'd given Luffy my room key?" Garp said.

"Uh…Yeah, you said he could stay over at your place in the afternoon while I was in class." Ace said with a deadpanned look.

"I…Might have given him the wrong keys." Garp said, inching away from Sengoku a little, who looked like he would blow up any moment.

"Wow, looks like he's is in big trouble again, huh." Ace said, unsurprised. "Seriously, I can never go a day without worrying over that guy. Causing trouble wherever he goes…"

Garp snorted in reply. "Can't say you're not the same as him, pass me that sandwich, I'll be giving him that along with a taste of the fist of love."

"Be sure to say hi to him for me, he won't be in too much of trouble will he?" Ace asked, throwing him the sub.

Garp dared a look at the silently glowering Sengoku. "Well, he won't be the only one."

* * *

**Six minutes ago.**

"All hail Luffy the mighty warrior!" A young man decked out in a navy admiral's uniform decorated with gleaming medals announced from where he stood striking a grand pose on a king-sized bed.

"All hail Luffy!" Chopper said, bouncing around the room in front of the large, floor length mirror, liking the way his cloak billowed out from his back.

"And I'm your strongest rival! Usopp, also known as the legendary warrior and slayer of a thousand men, Sogeking!" Usopp shouted, jumping onto the bed and challenging Luffy with a long cane he had picked up from somewhere in the room.

"Oh yeah, wanna find out who's stronger?" Luffy challenged back pointing a clothes hanger at him.

"Bring it on! A man to man fight!"

* * *

**Five and a half minutes ago.**

Garp and Sengoku arrived at room 306, panting from having run up the stairs. Placing his hand on the doorknob, Sengoku twisted and the door opened easily.

He shot an accusatory look at Garp as if to say 'the door's unlocked, your idiot grandson is surely inside!'

Garp glared back at him in full force and swung the door wide open. "Let's see the damage for ourselves."

Stepping in, he breathed a sigh of relief when everything looked to be in place. All was fine until something crunched under his boots and he looked down to find what was left of Sengoku's prized cat statue.

"Garp," Sengoku ground out through clenched teeth. "They broke my cat."

"Uh…I'll buy you a new one, that one's old anyway." Garp said quickly. Trying to avoid the other man, he strode over towards the kitchen.

"That was given to me by the Prime Minister of Egypt!" Sengoku's angry voice came from behind him as Garp stood shell-shocked in the kitchen.

The two men surveyed the chaos and Sengoku was about to yell when a loud crash resounded from his bedroom followed by a series of muffled conversation.

"No Luffy! Wait we need to hide!"

"Huh, but it's just my old man returning back to his room! He won't mind much, maybe a little cause' we messed up his bedroom and all, but I'm sure it'll be fine!"

"Usopp, why are you hiding under the bed?"

"I'm not hiding! A brave man doesn't hide! I'm just…practicing my sneak attacks! That's right!"

"Whatever, I'm going out-"

The sentence was cut off when the door opened from outside and two old men appeared at the other end with identical flabbergasted expressions.

Luffy stopped admiring himself in the mirror and Chopper ceased bouncing on the bed. "Oh hi Gramps, didn't know you were bringing friends over. Sorry I ate all your rice crackers in the kitchen. Is that meat sub for me?" Luffy said over his shoulder from where he was checking out different poses.

Trembling with barely suppressed rage, Sengoku turned to Garp, who stared at his grandson like he had grown two heads when Luffy came over to grab the sub from him.

"Garp," Sengoku began in a low voice. "That's my old navy admiral uniform he has on. And those were my rice crackers."

When Garp didn't answer, Usopp decided to stick his nose out from under the bed.

"Oi, Luffy, I didn't know the headmaster was your granddad!" Usopp said in awe and promptly ducked back when Sengoku shifted his glare onto him. "He doesn't look very happy though…"

"Huh, what are you talking about, Garp's my Gramps, not Sengoku. Wait, you mean this isn't your place, Gramps?" Luffy asked in confusion.

Garp started laughing nervously and grabbed Luffy by his ear despite his violent protests.

"Go with your friends to the dean's office, we'll be there in a while." He ordered sternly and threw Luffy, Usopp and Chopper out of the room in a hurry just as Sengoku burst out in a maelstrom of malevolence.

"THEY BROKE MY CAT AND ATE MY RICE CRACKERS, MESSED UP MY KITCHEN AND MY BEDROOM AND YOUR _DEAR GRANDSON_ WAS PRANCING AROUND IN MY OLD NAVY ADMIRAL UNIFORM! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME GARP!"

Outside the bedroom's closed door, Luffy came upon a conclusion. "Ah! So my old Gramps gave me the wrong key. Heh, so this is Sengoku's room, hmm, he sure had some tasty meat-flavoured rice crackers."

Turning round, he found himself face to nose with Usopp and Chopper, both of who were staring at him in twin looks of horrified betrayal.

"What? Why're you two looking at me like that?"

* * *

**Five minutes ago.**

"Ouch, what happened back there?" A blonde guy sat up from where he had been lying prostrate on the floor and rubbed his nose gingerly.

"You got kicked in the face by that crazed bitch and skele-man over here dragged you all the way here." A guy with blue hair answered. "Who're you two anyway?"

"I'm Brook, a humble musician, pleased to meet you, and you are?" A skeleton with an afro said.

"Franky, from mechanical engineering." The blue haired guy replied.

"I'm Sanji, apprentice chef." The blonde guy stood up and froze when his gaze locked onto Robin who was focused on her book.

"Oh my lady you are the epitome of mysterious beauty! A dark Venus! This is like heaven!" Sanji sang out, springing to life in an instant.

He carried on in a tirade of flowery praises and bad poetry much to the dismay and ignorance of the others.

* * *

**Four minutes ago.**

"I don't want to be expelled! Nooooo!"

"Someone save me! I was tricked I swear I was!"

The doors to the dean's office opened and in poured a wailing Usopp and Chopper and a nonchalant Luffy.

"What the hell, what are you two babies crying about?" Franky asked, looking from one tear stained face to the other.

"I d-don't wanna talk about it, don't wanna-" Chopper said through his sniffles and walked past Franky to the back of the room, where he sank down in a corner and was soon absorbed in his hiccups and wails.

"It's a nightmare, holy mother in heaven, please save this poor, duped warrior and put him at ease!" Usopp said mumbling prayer after prayer as he joined Chopper at the back.

"Hey you," Franky asked Luffy. "What's up with those two?"

"Don't know, they just started crying like mad when I turned around," Luffy started saying until a movement next to Franky distracted him. "Oooohhh! Is that carcass moving!"

"Er no, I'm actually…" Brook trailed off, slowly inching back from his spot when Luffy moved forwards, stalking him.

"Cool! Can you do anything else besides talk and move around? Can you poop?" Luffy said, pressing on until Brook was at the opposite end of the room. In his haste he bumped into Robin, causing her to drop her book. "Oops sorry!"

Sanji fixed Luffy with a glare. "Watch where you're going!"

"It's alright." Robin said to Luffy and went back to reading her book.

"Oh my goddess! She spoke!" Sanji proclaimed and erupted in a fountain of red. He crumpled to the floor with the blood slowly spreading out beneath him.

"Ha! Finally he shuts up," Franky said, peering down at Sanji with distaste. He looked up at Brook who was standing with his back against the wall and sighed, deciding to help out the skeleton.

"Hey Straw Hat Boy, you better sit down, from what I hear, Sengoku's heading over soon."

Luffy complied and plopped down in the first row of seats. "Who's the sleeping guy?" He asked with slight interest at the sight of green hair.

"Don't know, he was here with the two girls when I came in. You got any idea when Sengoku's coming?" Franky asked.

"I'm not sure, but I think it might take a while," Luffy replied.

"This is going to be so boring," Franky stated. Bored, he leaned back in his chair and started whistling Yankee Doodle to pass the time.

Meanwhile, Luffy dug into his meat sub with relish, watching Brook like he was his favourite movie in 3D.

* * *

**End Note:**

And that is what happened, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, I think I hear footsteps, wonder who's at the door. :O Click the next page button to find out!


	5. An Irrational Fear of Punishments

**Present time, dean's office.**

Two pairs of footsteps outside the door went ignored by the ruckus ongoing in the room. The two people paused outside, listening to the yells and crashing from within.

"What the hell is going on in there?" Garp asked in dismay, secretly crossing his fingers that Luffy was not the one behind that entire racket.

Sengoku frowned the mother of all frowns and slammed open the door, disrupting the chaos instantly.

The tables and chairs were all either overturned, broken or in a mess about the room, all except for the one in the middle where two girls sat, the only calmness in the eye of the storm.

A skeleton was standing at one end of the room next to a guy with blue hair who was surveying the pandemonium before him.

Two guys, one blonde in a blood soaked shirt and the other with green hair, were fighting like wild dogs on one side of the room while a guy in a straw hat was doing acrobats over tables and chairs in an effort to get away from someone wielding a slingshot and a stampeding reindeer.

Needless to say, this all stopped when Garp cleared his throat. With everyone's attention on them now, Sengoku began to speak.

"I never thought I'd live this long to see my office being turned into a dog pen," Sengoku said glaring round the room. "All of you have been assembled here due to varying degrees of complaints and I will start off with _you_."

"_Me?_" The guy with green hair asked incredulously. "Look, I just wandered in here of my own volition. This guy here started the fight."

"What's that you say!" Sanji yelled at him. "You wanna die Marimo Head?"

"Shut up Curly Brow! I'm innocent in this shit!"

"Innocent my ass-"

"SILENCE!" Sengoku shouted, effectively breaking up the fight. Fuming, he pointed at the guy in green hair. "Roronoa Zoro, don't tell me you don't know what you've been doing the past few weeks."

"What! What did I ever do?" Zoro said, gesticulating wildly.

"There's been reports from my staff that someone has been sneaking around their offices but no one could pin down the culprit, until Smoker saw you heading out from near his office-" Sengoku stated.

"Hell, those were the staff offices?" Zoro asked, eyes almost bugging out of his head. "I was only looking for the student lounge! How are they so sure it was me anyway!"

"Mihawk mentioned he found a strand of green hair near his office door." Sengoku continued.

"What! That doesn't even – I wasn't planning to do anything I swear!" Zoro said, completely frustrated at the turn of events. "You can't punish me for something like that!"

Beside him, Sanji snickered. "Should have known an idiot like you would get lost around the staff offices which are otherwise off limits to students."

Zoro looked ready to pummel him till his face matched the rest of his shirt but Sengoku interfered.

"Regardless of the reason, students are prohibited from entering the staff premises," Sengoku said, flat-out ignoring Zoro's angry protests and moving onto the next victim.

"Sanji, Franky and Brook," He said, grabbing the trio's attention. "Hancock told me you were all involved in acts of perversion. Sanji, you sneaked into her class and disrupted her lesson-"

"It doesn't matter what she said, I don't regret it one bit!" Sanji proclaimed with a hand over his heart as Sengoku gave him a disconcerted look.

"Brook, you sexually harassed her by asking her, _ahem_, to show you her undergarments." Sengoku finished with a slightly reddened face.

"Yes but it was only a request." Brook said.

"That doesn't change the fact that you said it, and Franky," Sengoku said, eyeing him with displeasure. "You…You're not wearing any pants."

Franky snorted, looking down at himself. "That much is obvious. I couldn't find them this morning."

"For the fourth time this month?" Sengoku asked pointedly.

"Hey! Look, it's not my fault they keep getting cut up during class and missing in the dryer." Franky said in aggravation.

Sengoku appeared as if he wanted to bash his head against the wall repeatedly for having to deal with such idiots on a daily basis.

"And yet you manage not to rip any of your shirts."

Franky rubbed the back of his neck somewhat sheepishly. "What, I happen to like my shirts better."

Ignoring him, Sengoku turned towards Nami and Robin and surprised everybody when he pointed a finger at the dark haired girl instead.

"You." He said and everyone looked on curiously, wondering what he was going to say next.

"What are you doing here?" He asked in all honesty.

Zoro immediately began arguing his case. "Why is _she_ innocent when I didn't do anything much-"

"All I did was ask a question." Brook added.

"Like I'm at fault for not wearing pants!" Franky said in self-righteous indignation.

"Be quiet, or else I'll add on to your punishment!" Sengoku threatened before getting back to Robin.

"I'm only accompanying my friend down to this office." She answered calmly. "I could wait outside for her if you wish."

Looking confused, Sengoku shook his head at her. "Nevermind," he said and pointed at Nami next. "I heard from Akainu you set the science lab on fire. Again."

Her defense was immediate. "It wasn't my fault! My idiot lab partner didn't get his part of the project right and I thought he was awake but he was actually sleeping all along and I didn't know the explosion would happen until I mixed the chemicals together in front of Akainu-" She stopped short, and groaned in frustration. "Geez, I'm not even making any sense am I, whatever, he hates me anyway no matter what I say. And just wait until I get my hands on that betraying _idiotic asshole_." She ended her rambling somewhat wild eyed and started cracking her knuckles in anticipation.

"Erm, we'll just leave it at that," Sengoku said hurrying onto the crying heap that was Usopp and Chopper.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't expel me! I'll do anything, I'll even help you clean the toilets and be your slave! Just please don't expel me!" Chopper cried out in tears.

"M-Me too! I'll do anything just don't let my mother know about this! W-We were both tricked into the whole thing by _him_!" Usopp said through a slobbery nose and pointed a shaking arm at Luffy, who stared back at him innocently.

"I thought you were okay with it since you were both jumping around on Sengoku's bed and you broke the cat." Luffy stated plainly and was rewarded with fierce glares from the two.

"Yes, I am aware of that," Sengoku said, his tone all dangerous. "In fact, if it wasn't for _Garp_ here who was the person who started this whole thing in the first place by _passing the wrong key to his grandson_ it would never have happened." Next to him, Garp visibly winced a little at every bite in his words.

Usopp and Chopper gazed up at him miserably through a blur of tears and Sengoku sighed.

"But what's happened has happened and there's nothing to be done about it except for the carrying out of your punishments." Sengoku said to all of them, pinching the bridge of his nose to stop his impending headache.

"Zoro, you will be helping Smoker with his paperwork, since he doesn't do much of it himself anyway." Sengoku said.

"Could I get someone else? Mihawk or Shanks or something?" Zoro asked hopefully.

Sengoku answered him with a blunt look and Zoro hung his head in defeat, scowling. "Damn, I have to see _her_ again," Zoro said, mumbling to himself.

"Franky, Brook and Sanji, since you are all clearly lacking in…manners pertaining to the female gender, you'll be administered to Ivankov-"

"But that guy's a total fruitcake-" Sanji began to protest.

"If you have more to say I'll swap him for Buggy." Sengoku said and the three of them immediately shut up.

"Nami, you will be staying back for extra curriculum lessons with Ao-"

"SHIT NO!" She yelled out loudly, causing all eyes to fall on her at her outburst. Stunned, Sengoku tried to speak again.

"With Ao-"

"DON'T SAY HIS NAME!" She begged, looking a bit crazed.

"Ki-"

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!" She started yanking at her hair and Sengoku backed away from her a step.

"Ji." He finished off a bit uncertain, looking at her trembling form warily. "It's only until you can manage to get past your lab sessions without any more mishaps."

"No, please anyone but him, and why isn't my lab partner in this as well, he's to blame for all those explosions too!" She said in frantic desperation. "Plus, the accidents only happen in Volcanology classes whenever he is around!"

"Alright, it's only because Akainu will be busy in the time to come that I mentioned Aokiji," Sengoku said, pausing for a split second when Nami seemed to flinch at his words. "In that case, if you can get your partner to agree, the both of you will be staying back with Edward for extra tutorials."

"Oh I'm sure he'll agree to _that_." Nami said with an impassive expression to which Sengoku chose not to comment on.

"Though, in the cases where Edward might not be free, Enel or Aokiji will take over." He said.

"Fuck my life." She muttered under her breath, inducing Sengoku to cough a bit.

"As for you three…" He said to Usopp, Chopper and Luffy. "So as to keep you busy and out of trouble, you will be running errands for Kuma and Mihawk-"

"But Mihawk's so scary!" Chopper exclaimed, oblivious to Zoro's frown.

"-who will be sure to keep an eye on your whereabouts. And also serve extra detention every weekday with whichever professor in need of help on that day." Sengoku said.

"Why can't it be Shanks?" Luffy asked and Usopp nudged him in the side with an elbow.

"I happen to hear that Crocodile requires an assistant this week…" Sengoku started to say.

"We're fine with Mihawk and Kuma! Perfectly fine!" Usopp said with a forced grin.

"Yes yes!" Chopper nodded in agreement.

Satisfied with the dealt outcomes, Sengoku stepped back from them. "Good, now that this is all clear, I hope I won't be seeing any of you back here anytime soon."

A succession of nods and 'yes' met his statement as they were given the cue to leave the room.

"Misses, allow me to walk you back to your dorms," Sanji offered hopefully to Robin and Nami.

"Sorry I need to go find someone to settle something." Nami said with a scarily determined face as she took off.

Robin stood watching her vanishing back for a while before excusing herself to head to the library, leaving a moping Sanji behind her.

"I'm leaving too, it's getting late and I wanna get back to sleep." Zoro said and walked off down the corridors with a wave of his hand.

"The guys' dorms are that way." Franky said, pointing in the opposite direction of where Zoro was going.

"I-I knew that!" Zoro said spinning around and glaring at Sanji when he caught him snickering.

"We're heading back to the dorms too," Usopp cut in, walking alongside Chopper. "We could all go back together?"

"Might I join in too?" Brook asked.

"Fine by me," Zoro said and they left, waving Sanji, Franky and Luffy goodbye.

"I'm going to the cafeteria kitchens," Sanji said looking at the other two in question.

"I'll go with you. I'm thirsty for some cola anyway." Franky said. "Luffy, you going anywhere?"

"Ah crap! I forgot I'm supposed to meet Ace earlier on! I'm late, so I'll see you around!" Luffy said in sudden alarm and sped away at record speed.

The remaining two guys went on their way quickly when they heard the yelling restart inside the dean's office.

"You can't confiscate all of my rice crackers just because you've lost yours!"


	6. The One They Were Both Looking For

**Later, somewhere in the North Wing of the university dormitories.**

Luffy was running in circles aimlessly around the university premises. Halting in front of a sign, he stared at it scratching his head in puzzlement.

"Hmm, Ace told me to wait near the West Wing's main hall…If this sign says North Wing Dormitories, it should be…Hmm…" He said, pondering in deep thought.

"I get it! It must be in the opposite direction then!" He exclaimed triumphantly in proud delight and raced off continuing on his mad hunt for his brother.

* * *

**West Wing of the university dormitories, main hall.**

Alone in the West Wing and half asleep from boredom, Ace had given up pacing around and was sitting on the floor leaning his head back against a pillar.

"What's taking that idiot so long, if it's a beating from Gramps it should have ended by now." He said and yawned, folding his arms behind his head. "I wonder what Marco's doing right now..."

He was about to nod back to sleep when something the colour of an angry orange appeared at the far left of his bleary vision.

Tipping his head slightly to his left he stared at the approaching object. Funny, it looked familiar. The hair on the person who was currently stalking towards him reminded him of someone. In fact, it looked exactly like…

"What's she doing here?" He wondered out loud, then mentally debated whether he should move from his location judging by the disturbing smile the person had on. Okay, now this was just freaky.

"Good evening my dearest lab partner," Nami said, her weird smile growing wider as she neared him. "Who so kindly left me back there in the fire with Akainu…" She began cracking her knuckles and he quickly stood up, backing away from her warily.

"Hey, I asked you if it was alright with you if I took a nap, you were the one who agreed to it." He said, raising his palms up in mock surrender.

A crack appeared in her smile and he had to dodge the hard punch that followed.

"So that's how it was, hmm? You took off like that and I have to be the one to suffer that monster's wrath! Do you know Sengoku almost put me in extra curriculum lessons with Aokiji? Do you? Nooo! You always escape within an inch of your life leaving me behind. To. Suffer. Your. Bloody. Consequences." She finished her rant and shrieked wildly, pissed that he was ducking all her punches so easily.

Incensed, she moved to the wall and hit her head against it like what she had been doing so often that day. "God why does my life suck so much these days…"

"What's so bad about Aokiji?" He asked and immediately regretted it when her aura became darkly turbulent.

"Don't. Even. Ask." She said, shadows covering her face in a mask of the devil.

"Okay fine! Fine! Sorry I ran off but you did tell me you'd help me out so I could go off early." He said, folding his arms across his chest. A suspicion struck him and he frowned at her. "How'd you know I was here anyway?"

She glared at him before throwing her arms up in the air. "It doesn't take a genius to guess since you're always telling me you're meeting your brother after class. You mentioned the location a few times and I realized it's always the same place."

When he didn't say anything and continued to gaze at her expectantly, she sighed and slumped against the wall.

"I got sent to the dean's office to meet Sengoku after you left." She said emotionlessly.

"And this time it's different…How?" He asked and she huffed in irritation.

"Look buddy, every time the lab accidents happen, it isn't just me, it's you too. And this time…" She smirked all of a sudden, leaving the sentence dangling in the air like a noose.

He felt his eyes narrow, not liking the direction the conversation was going.

When she said nothing and smiled that ominous smile again it confirmed the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Hey Ace…" She began to say in a saccharinely sweet voice which grated on his ears with its hidden sharpness. "Remember when you said you owed me one for what happened today?"

Thinking back, he vaguely recalled the events prior to him meeting Garp and Sengoku.

"Yeah, so?" He asked defensively.

"So…I'm here to collect my debt." She said, stating her purpose.

"What is it?" He asked, thinking he could outright reject her if she started on about paying her back with money.

She shot him a sly look and leaned forwards with arms on her hips, a devious smirk on her face.

"Edward's your favourite teacher right?" She asked him.

He snorted, turning away from her and rolling his eyes. "That old man? Whatever gave you that idea? He's just another one of those annoying professors." He said loudly but her smirk only widened.

"Oh stop pretending," she said, waving a hand unfazed. "Didn't you once beg me to give you that sake I nicked off of Shanks? It's strange how Professor Newgate was drinking it later on in class…"

His face was turning an interesting shade of red and he inwardly cursed.

"What? I decided I didn't want it anymore and he only grabbed it from me, and I never begged you-"

"Aren't you always calling him by his given name?"

"That's because Edward's easier to say!"

"Would you rather be stuck in an elevator with Akainu or Edward?"

"Who the hell will want to be stuck with Akainu-"

"What's Edward's favourite movie?"

"Rambo – Ah! Shit!" He yelled out upon realizing that he had played directly into her hands.

"I rest my case." She said in a satisfied manner.

He was about to open his mouth to argue when a finger invaded his personal space inches away from his freckled nose.

"Since you clearly don't mind him at all, it's settled then!" She said, beaming in delight.

"I haven't even agreed to anything yet." He said placidly. "And what's this got to do with Edward?"

"It's nothing you can't handle, just extra curriculum lessons with him and me." She said, trying to persuade him. "Sengoku said if you agree to this Aokiji's out of the picture. Come on, help a girl out."

"Now where did I hear that from?" He said with languid sarcasm. "Let me think for a minute…Uh. Answer's still no."

"Oh come on!" She said in frustrated disbelief. "What have you got to lose except for a couple of extra hours a week?"

"I might need to meet my brother sometimes." He replied and she pulled a perplexed expression at his lame answer.

"Ace. Your brother's a university student," she stated calmly.

She did have a point there, he thought, coming to a conclusion that his excuse wouldn't be taken seriously. Although there was also the undeniable fact that this was his idiot, kid brother he was talking about…

"Why should I agree to this? Can't you just…sit through those lessons with Aokiji yourself with gritted teeth or something?" He asked and stopped when the look on her face changed into one of despair and panic.

"Because I don't want to be stuck with him _alone_ in a lab room!" She said, shuddering.

"I still don't get what's wrong with that?" Ace asked, confused.

"That's cause' you don't take any of his classes and you're a guy – ugh, please help me out here." She pleaded. "I'd rather die with Akainu, Enel, Crocodile and Buggy in an elevator than survive one with _him_."

"Is it really that bad?" He asked, to which she nodded miserably.

When he didn't say anything further she prepared to leave with a depressed sigh.

"Oh well, at least I tried…Perhaps I really ought to drop Volcanology class after all…Or maybe kill off Aokiji…"She said to herself, dragging her feet along the ground in defeat.

She was several paces away when he called out to her.

"Ok fine! I did owe you one," he said, seeming kind of guilty and her reaction to it was miraculous.

"Really? Oh my god yes! Yes!" She shrieked, bouncing on her heels with glee. "You're not such a good for nothing, lousy, sucky lab partner after all! I'll go tell Sengoku you've agreed, good luck waiting for your brother!"

Looking like she had found out she won the lottery, Nami sprinted away without so much as a backward glance, leaving Ace standing still as one of Hancock's stone statues at a complete loss for words.

"Women…Are they all this crazy?" Concluding that, he peered up at the sky, which was black as the ocean depths right then.

"Idiot brother, where the hell are you?"

* * *

**West Wing of the university, second floor's hallway.**

Nami was brisk walking along the hallway when a black and red blur almost sent her flying off the building.

"Who the hell – Luffy?" She said, grabbing hold of the back of his vest and hoisting him off the ground. He stopped pedaling his legs in midair and tipped his head backwards to look at her.

"Nami? Why're you upside down?" He asked.

She scoffed and dumped him on the ground where he landed on his backside with an 'ouch'.

"What are you-" She began to question but was interrupted by him.

"Do you know which way is west?" He asked in earnest.

"Do I look like a walking human compass to you?" She said in equal parts exasperation and amusement. "I guess it can't be helped when you're you…Let me see…It's that way." She pointed towards the direction she had come from.

"Thanks! How'd you know?" He asked in amazement.

"Duh, this is the West Wing Dormitories?" she said, perplexed as to how oblivious he was.

"Oh yeah I didn't notice, see ya!" He said and was gone from her sight before she even had time to blink.

"Seriously, how can anyone have such a bad sense of direction?"

* * *

**North Wing Dormitories, main hall.**

"Hey Zoro! Where are you going?"Usopp called out, preventing Zoro from making a turn in the opposite direction of where he and Chopper were walking.

"Huh, I'm following you two." Zoro answered.

"Er yeah, but we're going this way?" Usopp said, gesturing with his thumb to his front.

"I-I knew that!" Zoro said indignantly, marching past them in stomping footsteps.

"Um…Zoro?" This time it was Chopper who spoke.

"What?"

"That's the girl's bathroom you're about to enter."

"WHAT! Why didn't you warn me!"

* * *

**West Wing, main hall.**

Ace was nodding off to dreamland when he was jolted wide awake by someone's painfully loud shouts.

"Ace! I finally found you!" Luffy said, racing up to his brother with a wide smile plastered on his face. "Ow! What'd you do that for?" He asked, rubbing the sore spot on his forehead where Ace had flicked with his thumb and forefinger.

"That's for making me wait so long," Ace replied. "We've been meeting in the same spot for weeks, how can you still get lost?"

"It isn't my fault the signs are all over the place," Luffy said and then broke into another one of his huge grins. "You won't believe what I did today."

"Let me guess, you rampaged through Sengoku's room and got your ass kicked by Gramps." Ace said and Luffy gasped in shock.

"How'd you know!" Luffy said. "Gramps didn't kick my ass though, he let Sengoku do the kicking. I think I got off pretty good, I only have to help out Mihawk and Kuma and I'm off the hook. Oh, and there's these two guys with me as well, heh, they were kinda funny and wouldn't stop crying. One of them was a reindeer and the other had this really long nose!"

Ace raised an eyebrow at his brother's rambling. "Sounds like you had quite the adventure."

"I met a skeleton with an afro that could talk! And there was this guy with green hair and another who wasn't wearing any pants!" Luffy said with stars in his eyes.

"Really? Tell me about the afro," Ace said, indulging him and Luffy nodded in excitement as they made their way back to their dormitory with Luffy reveling in his misadventures to his brother.

* * *

**End Note:**

We've come to the end of the one-shot! T_T God, how I miss Ace!

I have bits and pieces of a plot rotating around in my head so I shall find out in time if it will present itself on paper!

Hope you've enjoyed this small fic! :)


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